THE WOMEN IN BETWEEN

By A’isha Azar

Installment 9- Faten

The Women In Between is a continuing series about the lives of Arab women in America who find themselves living between two cultures. The names have been changed to protect their privacy, but the stories are all true.

Nadra and I are having lunch at the home of Faten, an Egyptian woman who has recently moved to America with her family. I met her and her husband some time ago at the restaurant where I dance, when they were guests of the owners one night for dinner. I was immediately taken with her. We have met since many times and I recently approached her about doing an interview for this series. She is the newest of my Arab friends and so I was not sure how she would feel about it, but she was happy to be a part of this project.

Faten is a charming and lively woman with a great sense of humor and a fine, intelligent thoughtfulness. She is the mother of two children and she dearly adores her husband. They left Egypt in 1994. At that time there was a lot of both political and religious fundamentalist activity there. The “erhabi”, a word that was explained to me as meaning “sort of like terrorist” were very active and they felt threatened, and wanted more freedom in their lives. Faten and her family are Christian. I was surprised to hear from both her and Nadra, who is from Saudi Arabia, that all identification, including birth certificates and identification cards from both of their countries, has the bearer’s their religious affiliation printed on them. This is just a small part of the psychology of religious repression. It is immediately clear to anyone in authority who asks to see your papers, what religion you are.

Faten and her husband went to Cypress and found a new freedom in practicing their religion, but also encountered employment problems, so they eventually went to Lebanon. They stayed in Lebanon about six years and did not really think about coming to America. At some point, they decided to enter a lottery at the cost of $70, in which people could actually win immigration to this country. As Faten says, “We did not know if we could win, but we had faith in God to make our life for us. God chooses for us and many times we had applied to other countries.” There had always been something that stood in the way of their immigration to other locations and they could not really believe it when they won the right to immigrate to America!

They found that their announcement of moving to America met with some jealousy on the part of some of their friends and acquaintances. Faten explained that when her husband informed his boss, that he was almost immediately told they would replace him right away and that he could continue to work at half his old salary if he wished. They had six months before they would be leaving and this was not acceptable, so he quit his position. In the United Sates, he has found work as a cook in a good restaurant. It does not pay a lot, but it is a beginning.

Two days before they were to leave for the United States, terrorists attacked the World Trade Center in New York City. When Faten and her husband first saw the news reports in Lebanon, they thought they were watching a movie. They were more than were horrified to learn that this was a real event. Faten said, “I was so excited to come. I had our new clothes all packed; we were ready to get on the plane. When we saw what happened, our friends told us that no Arabs will be welcome in America now. We thought our chances were gone and we were very sad. But one week later, we got on the plane to America!”

As we eat lunch, I notice a small tattoo about the size of a nickel, similar to but not exactly a Maltese Cross, on the inside of Faten’s right wrist. It is in blue ink, a perfectly square cross with a small amount of scrolling around its points. I ask her about it. Faten slips into Arabic, not knowing how to tell this religious history in English, and Nadra translates. She tells me. “A long time ago during the time of the Romans, it was not accepted to be a Christian in Egypt. The Roman rulers made all of the Coptical (Faten’s word for “Copt”, or “Coptic”) people wear a very heavy cross around their necks. Maybe it weighted about 20 pounds. From this they had many problems with their necks and backs. We call this problem, “Blue Bones”. It was a very strong persecution suffered by the Coptical people and we all have this tattoo to remind us of it.”

I ask her if it is true that the Coptic religious services are conducted in the ancient Egyptian language. She says yes, that it is true. There have been times in history when it was illegal to use the language, and many Coptic churches were built underground in order to preserve the old ways. Her husband, she tells me, was very active in the Church and he knows a lot about the old language because of it. She suggests that I should interview him in the future about this and many things about Egypt since his life was not as sheltered as hers and he has had many experiences. They attend a Syrian Orthodox church here since there is no Coptic church in our city.

We talk about life in modern Egypt. Faten explains that there are many “cultural things” in Egypt, but that there are strong variances between groups and even among them. For example, she discusses the issue of virginity and of marriage. Among the poor virginity is pretty much always an important issue. Among the wealthy of Egypt, it goes by the family. Some people are very sophisticated and they do not care about virginity at all. Faten says, “They have traveled in Europe and act very European.” Some wealthy families still are very strongly traditional and have the traditional value system concerning virginity. In the rural, or “felahi” sectors of the population, virginity is very important, and it is also very important to marry into the same group. In describing this situation, Nadra translates the word “group” as “tribe”, because she is Saudi and this is how the word looks to her. I understand that this might not be the exact word, but cannot come up with a better one myself. It is necessary to marry into the same group, as in the same village or the same social and familial affiliation. Although I understand the meaning, I cannot think of any way to describe it, either. Nadra adds that virginity is still highly valued in all sectors of Saudi society, which is very different from Egyptian society in many other ways as well, although both base their legal systems on Islam with a French influence, the women agree.

I ask Faten about her life here in the States, and how it differs from what she expected to find. She says, “I was surprised to see that most Americans are not so much Christians. I thought maybe 75 percent will be Christians, but it is not true. The people seem to forget about God.” This is perplexing to her since she believes that God has given Americans so much. Most of Egypt’s people are incredibly poor. In the cities there are people who live in cemeteries and in garbage dumps. In the country, people might live in a hole dug into the side of cliff, or a shanty with three walls and no real roof. Faten says, “In America we work to have some nice things and live a better life. In Egypt most of the people work so they can stay alive.” She talks about how the poor of Egypt live day to day. They might have enough to eat tomorrow and they might not. The poverty is incredible. Many people have no homes, but live very much hand to mouth. Faten says that there are no government programs like the American welfare or social security system. People can only hope for the generosity of their families if they cannot work or take care of themselves.

Many people in the Middle East and North Africa want to come to America. Our advertising, our movies, any visual portrayal of America leads people to believe this country is very wealthy and that no one here is poor, ugly or wanting in any way. Everyone looks glamorous, beautiful and rich. It is a bit disappointing to find that Americans are quite human and this country has its fair share of warts.

Faten sees right now that her life in America is better than it was in any other country, but still, she says, “It is not like my dream.” I ask her what she would have if she were living her dream. I am surprised that her dream entails both she and her husband working hard together in their own business. This seems very different to me than the dreams of many Americans, which rely heavily on the word “leisure”!

She explains, “In the Middle East, America looks like a magic country”. Perhaps, Faten, in some ways it is.

AFTERWORD

This is the final installment of The women In Between series. I want only to add that my life has been enriched in some way by each and every one of the women who have contributed their stories. Two of them are a part of my daily life and they are my closest friends. Beyond that, they have all added to my education in the various cultures and countries of the Middle East. I have never heard a single complaint about my continuous stream of questions. They all have added cheerfully to my knowledge, translated for me and did their best to help me to understand the differences and similarities between their world and mine, and I hope that I have provided them with the same service! I am eternally grateful for their generosity, their spirit of sharing, and most of all for their love and friendship.

A’isha Azar, July 27^th, 2002